I’ve gotta start writing something, so here it is. In some medium that I understand.

The only thing I’ve consistently wanted to do for years is make games. I need to make progress. Even if that progress is just writing shit down here. Maybe nobody will look at it, but it’s out there. It’s some sort of accountability, right?

So what do I know that I can do?

  • I’m comfortable with C# and I enjoy writing it.
  • I like level design, been doodling maps for years.
  • I think I can write a good story, but I never have actually written a full story. So I probably actually can’t.
  • I can put things in lists. Also spreadsheets. Relational data is cool.

What am I struggling with?

  • Art. I can modify pixel art to some degree, but creating art that’s actually my own seems intimidating.
  • Music. I remixed (de-mixed?) a song once, but coming up with a whole soundtrack sounds time-consuming, and thus intimidating. Then again that one only took me 2 days, I might be able to learn to do it faster. I can’t really play any instruments.
  • Game engines. Tried to use Unity a few times, struggled with it. Felt very limiting. Tried frameworks built on C# with mixed results.

What kind of end-result do I want?

  • 2D game. I don’t hate 3D, and in fact it might be better for the kind of game I want to make. But starting out with 3D almost guarantees I would be going into a big game engine where it’s more scripting and drag-and-drop, and I just hate doing that.
  • A story about geopolitics. All good stories have nuance and make you think. I think that’s essential.
  • A story that reaches out and grabs the player. I don’t know how, but I’ve gotta do it.

I’m going to write my own game engine in C#, probably on top of monogame because there aren’t a whole lot of options otherwise. Unless I want to start writing graphics driver calls myself… that’s where I need to draw the line.

Something weird about writing code. When I get into the zone, it just kind of… flows, I guess? Until you hit a brick wall, when something compiles but then blows up at runtime and you realize that it’s this super-technical thing that you barely understand. But it’s also kind of an art, isn’t it? Like just imagining variables all lining up together and the possible extensibility of the whole thing, it’s all kind of cool. But then you read a SO post and you realize you don’t know a single thing about it. Like barely anything. I don’t know, I’m just rambling at this point.

I need to write, code, draw… anything. I have to keep doing this regularly, or I will never get anything done. I need to produce something every single day, because I know now that I feel like absolute shit on days that I don’t produce anything. This page written down needs to be my daily reminder of that.

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